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A Blog from Your Kaiser Permanente Pediatricians in Northern California

Young girl with pediatrician

My Funniest Patients of 2019

I seriously have the best job I can imagine! Why? Well, of course I love helping children stay healthy, supporting their parents, and watching them both grow through time.

But between you and me – it’s all the fun and jokes with the kiddos that makes me smile on the way to work each day!

Here are some examples:

My patient, a 4-year-old boy, said to me, “I have a sister and a brother. And another brother named Rusty.” His mom looked at him and said, “Rusty is a dog.” The boy said, very seriously, “He’s my brother, Mom.”

During a well-child visit, the newborn baby was crying a lot. Her big brother – a 3-year-old boy – pulled on my sleeve. When I turned to him, he looked up and told me, “My baby is crying because he didn’t come with an on/off switch!”

At the end of his checkup, a 6-year-old was ready to get the vaccines over with. He impatiently looked at me and asked how much longer the nurse would take to come in, saying, “Where’s the ‘shotter’?”

After her visit, one 7-year-old girl asked me, “Can I come back here to have a playdate with you?” Aw shucks!

Me to an almost 4-year-old: “How long have you felt sick?” Her: “So I feel good. I just wanted to come play with you.” Her mom confirmed this. 😂

A 7-year-old girl (named something close to Maria Davis) said, “Why are my initials on your coat?” Her pediatrician: “Huh?” Girl: “M.D.” Pediatrician: “Oh, it stands for medical doctor!” Girl: “I thought it stood for me. So if I go to school like you I’ll be M.D. M.D.!”

A 6-year-old asked, “Had they invented science back when you were a kid?” Hmmmm.

Then there were a few kids who said things I just had no answer for:

Thinking the answer would be Fluffy, Snuggles, or something like that, I asked one girl, “What’s your stuffed rabbit’s name?” “Bunny-BUTT.”

After doing a physical exam on an 8-year-old girl, I asked if she had anything she wanted to talk about? “Yes!” she said – “I really hope that my brother doesn’t get pregnant.”

And combining the best parts of my job – giggles and stickers – there were these fun kids:

A 6-year-old girl wisely said we need stickers for the moms. I asked which one we should hand out to moms? “They would like a scratch-n-sniff coffee cup sticker!” No doubt, she’s on the right track!

One 5-year-old kiddo looked at me at the end of his appointment and said, “Do you guys still sell stickers here?” Yup, as a matter of fact we do…

Check out My 10 Funniest Patients of 2017 and 2018 as well.

Disclaimer: If you have an emergency medical condition, call 911 or go to the nearest hospital. An emergency medical condition is any of the following: (1) a medical condition that manifests itself by acute symptoms of sufficient severity (including severe pain) such that you could reasonably expect the absence of immediate medical attention to result in serious jeopardy to your health or body functions or organs; (2) active labor when there isn't enough time for safe transfer to a Plan hospital (or designated hospital) before delivery, or if transfer poses a threat to your (or your unborn child's) health and safety, or (3) a mental disorder that manifests itself by acute symptoms of sufficient severity such that either you are an immediate danger to yourself or others, or you are not immediately able to provide for, or use, food, shelter, or clothing, due to the mental disorder. This information is not intended to diagnose health problems or to take the place of specific medical advice or care you receive from your physician or other health care professional. If you have persistent health problems, or if you have additional questions, please consult with your doctor. If you have questions or need more information about your medication, please speak to your pharmacist. Kaiser Permanente does not endorse the medications or products mentioned. Any trade names listed are for easy identification only.