A Blog from Your Kaiser Permanente Pediatricians in Northern California

My 10 Funniest Patients of 2018

Why do I love working with kids? Well, that’s an easy one – they make me smile every day. It’s a great way to work – surrounded by kids saying the craziest things! Here are my top 10 funniest patients of the year:

1.  As I sent a 5-year-old girl to get an X-ray, she said she’d been there before: “That’s where mom goes to get her boobs smashed!”
2.  A 5-year-old boy with a wart on his finger was brave enough to let me freeze the wart off with liquid nitrogen, something that kids twice his age are often too scared to let me do. He said that it was fun – just like “snowman kisses!”
3.  I asked my 6-year-old patient, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” He said, “A dinosaur.” I asked, “Meat or plant eating?” He looked at me as if I was nuts and said, “Definitely meat! What’s life without bacon?” Well, he might have a point!
4.  A 3-year-old girl asked me as I walked in the room, “Where are YOUR parents?”
5.  Another 3-year-old girl walked into my office, looked around and disappointedly said, “Where are the paints?”
6.  A 6-year-old boy was watching a little girl doing show and tell at school when he started feeling sick, so his mom took him to see me. He was having trouble telling me how he felt (nauseated? hard to breathe? dizzy?) so I talked to his mom to try to understand. Meanwhile the boy was drawing with my crayons on the exam table paper then tugged on my sleeve and pointed to his picture of an emoji with heart eyes. “That’s how I felt, Dr. Land!”
7.  After I walked a 9-year-old boy out to the stickers box to choose one, he seemed disappointed. He looked up at his mom and said, “I thought she said Snickers!”
8.  A 9-year-old told me, “When I was young, I wanted to be a doctor.” I asked him, “Now what do you want to be?” “An artist! Drawing is way more fun!” Hmmmm.
9.  A 6-year-old was studying me intently as I talked with his mom. After a bit he blurted out, “You have a lot more grey hair than the last time I saw you.”
10.  A 6-year-old boy was missing a front tooth. I said jokingly, “Where’d your tooth go?” He said, “It came out.” So I said (expecting the usual tooth fairy story), “What did you do with it?” “Sold it on eBay.” “Seriously?” “Yup.” And, his dad confirmed this!

Now, I ask you – why would I do anything else? #Ilovemyjob.

Check out My 10 Funniest Patients of 2017

Disclaimer: If you have an emergency medical condition, call 911 or go to the nearest hospital. An emergency medical condition is any of the following: (1) a medical condition that manifests itself by acute symptoms of sufficient severity (including severe pain) such that you could reasonably expect the absence of immediate medical attention to result in serious jeopardy to your health or body functions or organs; (2) active labor when there isn't enough time for safe transfer to a Plan hospital (or designated hospital) before delivery, or if transfer poses a threat to your (or your unborn child's) health and safety, or (3) a mental disorder that manifests itself by acute symptoms of sufficient severity such that either you are an immediate danger to yourself or others, or you are not immediately able to provide for, or use, food, shelter, or clothing, due to the mental disorder. This information is not intended to diagnose health problems or to take the place of specific medical advice or care you receive from your physician or other health care professional. If you have persistent health problems, or if you have additional questions, please consult with your doctor. If you have questions or need more information about your medication, please speak to your pharmacist. Kaiser Permanente does not endorse the medications or products mentioned. Any trade names listed are for easy identification only.