Parenting Advice From Your Physicians at Kaiser Permanente

The holiday hustle and bustle is over, the kids are back in school, and you are back to your normal routine. That can feel like a bit of a letdown Maybe a few giggles will help!

My job as a pediatrician provides me with a constant stream of smiles, because kids are just so funny!

Here are a few fun stories my colleagues and I would like to share:

While his dad and I talked, one boy climbed up on my exam room table and plastered his ear against the wall. He sat that way for quite a long time. When I asked what he was doing, he said, “I’m listening to the people next door!”

A 6-year-old boy asked me, “Have I met you?” I said, “Yes, but it’s been a long time – maybe you don’t remember me. I’m Dr. Land.” He jumped up, gave me a big hug and said, “I missed you so much!”

My medical assistant took a 3-year-old boy to the exam room the other day and I could hear them talking. He asked her: “Are you a mom?” She said, “Yes I am, but I have girls.” He responded, “I like girls!!”

My colleague Dr. Conalu Bernardino shared about an 8-year-old she saw in December who needed medicine for an ear infection. His mom asked her to prescribe tablets because he doesn’t like liquid medicine. It’s pretty unusual for a child that age to be able to swallow pills, so Dr. Bernardino asked the boy if he was okay with a tablet. He smiled and said, “Yes! I really want a tablet for Christmas!”

I walked into one exam room and the child waiting there took one look at me and said to their mom: “I’m all better – let’s go home, Mom!”

I often get to see how smart kids are:

A 3-year-old boy was really close when he told me, “You’re using your telescope to listen to me!”

I started to look in a 5-year-old girl’s ears. I tried to offer reassurance by saying, “This isn’t hot – it’s just a flashlight.” She said, “No, that’s an otoscope.”

I was trying to make friends with a new patient, and said, “Ew! Scary dinosaur on your t-shirt” The 3-year-old threw back, “It’s just a fossil. It’s not scary. Bones aren’t scary.” I think I even saw an eye roll.

A dad and his 8-year-old daughter came in for her well-check. He was worried about her iPad time. I asked her, “What are you missing out on when you’re on your iPad too much?” “Nature!” “What else?” “My family!” Wow, kid, you’re hired!

And sometimes the kids laugh more at me that I do at them:

I saw a 10-year-old boy with a hurt shoulder who wasn’t at all happy to be in my office. I said he’d feel better soon and advised him to rest his arm, use some ice, and ibuprofen. He just looked at me with a glare and said, “Maybe, maybe not.”

One child had COVID but apparently felt pretty well. The N-95 masks we had at that time stuck out from the face like a duck bill — they looked pretty silly. When I walked in the room wearing one they started cracking up and quacking at me!

To top off this list, my colleague Dr. Keedra McNeill had a hilarious interaction with one 5-year-old. She told me this story:

I had a phone visit scheduled for a young patient that I had not met before. The notes said the child might have pinkeye. I called and asked for the mother of “Maya”. The person answering told me “This is her.” The voice sounded slightly childish but I’d never met the family, so I assumed this is how the mom sounds, or perhaps she was a younger mother. I introduced myself and told her I was calling for our phone appointment. She responded “Her all better now. She not sick.” My antennae went up that something may be amiss, so I repeated “Is this the mother of ‘Maya’?” To which she responded adamantly, “Yes, this her. This Maya mother. Her all better now.” Since I didn’t know the mother, I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

Just to be sure, I continued with the visit and asked all the typical questions about fever, cough, runny nose, etc. She responded appropriately to all the questions and just as I was preparing to end this somewhat unusual phone call, I heard a woman’s voice in the background asking, “What are you doing? Who are you talking to?” The woman suddenly came on the line and identified herself as “Maya’s” mother!

We both had a good laugh as I explained that “Maya” had successfully impersonated her and pretty much completed a full telephone visit independently. The mom explained that “Maya” was scared she would have to go to the doctor and get a shot, so she intercepted the phone call and declared that she was all better. In the words of the head burglar Harry from the classic movie Home Alone, I’d been scammed by a kindergartner!