Emptying the Nest
This time of year, many parents have kids beginning their senior year of high school. Others are sending their newly graduated kids off to the next phase of their life, to college or elsewhere. During this time, it is absolutely normal for parents to be feeling a rollercoaster of emotions. Excitement? Pride? Worry? Sadness? Yup – I have felt all these feels each time one of mine has prepared to fly out of our home.
Different parents may approach this time differently – and feel differently. When my first child was a senior, I spent the year excited for him. A close friend of mine felt differently. She was happy for her son, but she mourned each passing milestone – crying on the last first day of school, the last picture day, the last last day of school and so on. I wondered why I wasn’t connecting with the impending loss we’d both have in the fall. Even at graduation, I was more happy than sad. But then, the day my son walked away from me I cried – and didn’t stop for 2 weeks!
Giving yourself the space and grace to experience this transition in your own way is important as is understanding that others may be experiencing it differently. For example, having a child move out can be especially hard for single or divorced parents. After all – the nest is truly empty when there isn’t another parent to share it with.
So how do we survive the transition from being involved full-time parents to having one less child at home every day? Finding ways to stay connected while also reconnecting with yourself can help. Here are some ideas:
Take advantage of technology. Consider planning weekly family video calls. Your college student will likely look forward to this connection. Start a family group text chat. Use snail mail to send cards or care packages. Share posts on social media. One of my kids loves to have a near-daily text exchange and we have fun sharing daily crosswords or Wordles. Try sending photos of stuff you are doing at home – you may find your child sends you some back!
Plan ahead times to see each other. Before they leave, be sure you know when the next time you’ll be together is. Most colleges have Parents Weekends and these are a great way to reconnect. Your college kid can show you around their favorite places on campus. You can even go to class with them!
Take time for yourself. My third child was clear – he didn’t want me to sit around boohooing again. He said, “Mom, it’s time for you to focus on your photography!” He was right. After spending so many years focused on the endless demands of raising children there is time for you now. Try:
- Taking an art class.
- Joining a running group, book group or knitting group.
- Learning a language.
- Recommitting to your fitness routine if it has been on the back burner for a while.
- Planning dates with friends you miss.
- Volunteering for a cause you support (not just in kid’s classrooms.)
- Taking community college classes.
It may be a rough few weeks after they go, or – you may be celebrating the newfound space in your home and life. Either way, as each of my three has told me more than once – they’ll come back to you soon. My kids have returned for Thanksgivings, winter holidays, spring breaks and for summer fun. And in between, I miss them, but am glad they are off soaring.
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