Parenting Advice From Your Physicians at Kaiser Permanente

At this age, many kids become increasingly interested in activities outside of school and home. Many will want to play team sports, some will dance or join clubs. Whatever they do it is a good time to continue working to teach them to have good “sportsmanship”. Most kids hate to lose, some children are quite competitive. All want to be successful at what they do. This time of development has been termed the age of “industry versus inferiority”. This means that they need to feel skilled and accomplished in some areas of their lives. So it makes sense that when they play they really want to win!

However, losing is part of life and it is important to help them understand this. As their parent, you can help your nine-year-old learn to lose gracefully by not getting mad or overly upset but to understand that they will win some and lose some!

Most nine-year-olds:

• Can add and subtract 2-digit numbers, understand fractions, and are learning how to borrow and carry values.
• Like organization and planning, such as making plans ahead of time with friends.
• Think independently. Most children are improving their decision-making skills.
• Like to draw, paint, make jewelry, build models, or do other activities that use their fine motor skills.
• Can accomplish increasingly more complex tasks and projects in school, such as book reports… Of course, they may drive you nuts on the way to getting these homework projects turned in!
• Recognize basic social norms and appropriate behavior.
• Can control their anger most of the time.
• Have caring, solid friendships.
• Have gained a strong sense of empathy or understanding, and are sensitive to the feelings of others.
• Have more stable emotions than in the previous year. Mood swings may still occur, but not as frequently as before.
• Have overcome most fears that were common in earlier childhood. However, they often start experiencing more anxiety from common stressful situations, such as school performance.
• Are curious about romantic relationships. Few will admit to this interest!
• Read frequently and enjoy books. They will often read with the goal of learning about something of interest.
• Have speech patterns that are nearly at an adult level
• Enjoy active play, such as bike-riding, swimming, and running games (such as “tag”).
• Get dressed, brush hair, brush teeth, and get ready without any help. They may make interesting choices of clothing but for the most part, you should let them enjoy their own sense of style and creative flair!

Children usually progress in a natural, predictable sequence from one developmental milestone to the next. However, each child grows and gains skills at their own pace. Some may be advanced in one area, such as language, but slower in another, such as motor development. Enjoy watching your child learn and develop, but try not to worry too much. They are their own person with unique strengths and challenges. If you are concerned about your child’s development, talk to your pediatrician at your next well-check, make a video or telephone appointment, or send an email with your questions.