Parenting Advice From Your Physicians at Kaiser Permanente

Let’s be honest, parents: laughter may be what’s helping us get through this crazy pandemic time.

Kids are always good for giving us the giggles. But we parents can be pretty funny ourselves – especially when we “stretch the truth” to save our sanity. Here are a few stories from some very creative (if not entirely factual) parents I know – including a few who happen to be pediatricians!

Sometimes, our truth-stretching stems from a well-intentioned desire to keep our kids healthy. One friend who cares lots about nutrition always told her kids that ice cream trucks only played music to let you know they were sold out for the day! Another friend never even let her kiddos know those trucks had ice cream at all – she called them “The Music Trucks.” Oh, boy, were her kids upset when my son told them the truth…

I asked around on Twitter to see what other funny things folks have told their kids. Many of them were being sneaky with bedtime and adjusted the clocks to show whatever time worked for the parent. @Amanda_L_Howell was one of those sneaky moms – if it was a long day of parenting and she was just DONE … “Oh look… it’s 7:30. Time to for pajamas and teeth! #notsorry”
Pediatricians can be all about using little white lies to back up their discipline. One colleague, @LudovicoMD, said he gave his kids warnings that they were misbehaving by counting to 3 slowly before enacting a consequence. He said, “Funny enough, I started with the number ‘2’ (which is totally unfair…LOL!) @Amanda_L_Howell pointed out that: This is the opposite of dragging it out with fractions: “Two and a half… two and three quarters…” that many of us used!

Another tweeting pediatrician, @doclisa, was told by her own mother to ignore toys advertised on TV. “She said if it was any good, they wouldn’t have to advertise it. Since we saw it on a commercial, it must be garbage!” I bet that would work just as well for internet advertising.

How to catch kids in lies seemed to be a big category of parental trickery. Another colleague, @scookemd, taught his kids that he had an extraordinary dad superpower: lie detection. He told his kids to repeat what they said while looking straight in his eyes, and “if they smile, twitch, or look away – I got ’em!” One father I know explained to kids that lying would make them so nervous their ears would turn red and feel hot. Anytime he saw them covering both ears as they talked to him, he became very suspicious! Another friend taught their kids about the “mom dot.” When they lied, a bright dot would glow on their foreheads. She was wise enough to tell them that the dot was also visible to her partner and babysitters!

And to finish out the list, we have what might be considered the ultimate pediatrician threat. My friend @tomtomtomfitz told his kids that trick-or-treating wasn’t allowed for any kid who hadn’t had their flu vaccine yet. Funny enough – I used that same line myself once!