4 Ways to Teach Young Children that “Love is Respect”
To prevent dating violence, teens need to know that love isn’t just about how they feel. It’s also about how they’re treated and how they treat others. We want them to really understand that “love is respect.” But this message doesn’t have to wait until kids are teens! It’s important for young children, too.
Here are 4 ways we can set the stage children’s healthy relationships:
- Support their developing sense of self. Let kids know they’re loved and lovable just the way they are. Some kids need more support than others to feel confident in their abilities and self-worth. If yours need extra nudging, look for opportunities to notice when they try out something new, persist in a challenge, or simply experience joy.
- Model respect. In your personal relationships and casual interactions, show kids what it looks like to treat others with kindness. Thanking a store clerk for helping with your groceries, smiling at people you pass on the street, or taking out trash bins for an elderly neighbor are all ways to model kindness. If you speak respectfully of others, kids will mimic your style as they get older.
- Explain consent. This can come up when adults greet children. Even if it frustrates your great-aunt, don’t force kids to hug her! Kids need to know they can say yes to hugs, or they can say no and find other ways to greet loved ones. Maybe they can give a kind wave and say hello instead. The concept of consent can also be modeled during play. If you’re engaged in highly physical play, such as tickling, you can model asking them if they want to be tickled, wait to hear an affirmative “yes!” and stop whenever you hear a “no” or “stop.”
- Share your values: Discuss your values about a broad range of issues throughout their childhood. This sets the stage as you discuss romantic relationships later. If you read something in the news that highlights your principles, take time to talk about it. As you read with your child, notice out loud when characters in their stories are treating each other with either kindness or disrespect. It’s helpful for kids to hear and know your values clearly as they observe others and eventually define their own.
Throughout childhood and adolescence, we can nurture love and respect for ourselves, each other, and our world. For more ways to connect with kids, check out ideas for play, walking with teens, or talking about sex with young children.
If you’re in a relationship that’s unhealthy or unsafe, there’s help available when you’re ready.
Featured Author
Dr. Tricia Tayama's bio reads: "It is a privilege as a pediatrician to help children grow and develop. Whether working with infants, children, or teens directly or supporting their parents and caregivers, my goal is to provide the best medical care possible to help children reach their full potential.
After growing up in Southern California, Dr. Tayama attended Harvard for college, the University of California, San Francisco for medical school, and the University of California, Berkeley for a master’s degree in public health. After graduating from medical school in 2005, she continued at the University of California, San Francisco for residency training, including a chief residency year at San Francisco General Hospital. She was able to spend ten years as a pediatrician for San Mateo County, before joining Kaiser Permanente in 2020." Dr. Tayama's biography can be found on My Doctor Online. Disclaimer: If you have an emergency medical condition, call 911 or go to the nearest hospital. An emergency medical condition is any of the following: (1) a medical condition that manifests itself by acute symptoms of sufficient severity (including severe pain) such that you could reasonably expect the absence of immediate medical attention to result in serious jeopardy to your health or body functions or organs; (2) active labor when there isn't enough time for safe transfer to a Plan hospital (or designated hospital) before delivery, or if transfer poses a threat to your (or your unborn child's) health and safety, or (3) a mental disorder that manifests itself by acute symptoms of sufficient severity such that either you are an immediate danger to yourself or others, or you are not immediately able to provide for, or use, food, shelter, or clothing, due to the mental disorder. This information is not intended to diagnose health problems or to take the place of specific medical advice or care you receive from your physician or other health care professional. If you have persistent health problems, or if you have additional questions, please consult with your doctor. If you have questions or need more information about your medication, please speak to your pharmacist. Kaiser Permanente does not endorse the medications or products mentioned. Any trade names listed are for easy identification only.