Parenting Advice From Your Physicians at Kaiser Permanente

If you’ve ever struggled to get your child’s attention away from a screen—or felt uneasy about how much time they’re spending online—you’re not alone.  As parents, we’re all navigating the unknown, trying to raise healthy, happy kids in a world that’s increasingly digital. You might find yourself asking:

How much screen time is too much? When is my child ready for a phone? What’s the real impact of social media? How do I control my kids’ digital exposure and keep them safe?

I talked with my colleague Dr. Suzanne Shimoyama, a child psychiatrist, to find out what the latest research is telling us.

How much screen time do kids get now?

The numbers might surprise you. According to the nonprofit Common Sense Media, which focuses on kids’ safety and well-being in the digital era, as of 2021:

Ages 0–8:

• Spend an average of 2.5 hours a day on a device.
• 20% of them use a screen at dinner or bedtime.
• 40% of 2-year-olds already own a tablet. By age 8, it’s 68%.
• 48% of kids under 8 have watched TikTok, YouTube Shorts, or Instagram Reels—16% do this daily.

Tweens (8–12):

• Use screens for 5.5 hours a day.
• 38% use social media, despite age restrictions.

Teens (13–17):

• Use screens for 8.5 hours a day
• 90% use YouTube, 60% use TikTok daily
• Say that social media hurts their mental health, makes them less productive, hurts their grades, and makes them feel overwhelmed by drama. But still, half say they’re online almost constantly.

How much screentime should kids be allowed?

Because devices are so integrated into our daily lives, including at school, the American Academy of Pediatrics no longer recommends a specific time limit on screen time. Today, they encourage parents to consider these important factors when determining if their child’s screen use needs to be reduced:

• Are they getting enough sleep and enough physical activity (at least one hour of moderate to vigorous exercise) every day?
• What is the quality of content they are viewing? Ensure that they view primarily high-quality educational content, and that they aren’t accessing potentially harmful content (such as violence, hate speech, or disturbing images).
• Are they viewing screens at the right times? There are times of day when using a device for entertainment is appropriate, and times when it isn’t – such as during school, when connecting with family or friends, and during mealtimes.
• Are they using social media in an age-appropriate way, and is it having any harmful effects? Check in frequently to understand what emotional or social effects these apps may be having on your child.

Why should parents pay attention to how much time their kids are online?

While some educational content is good, too much screen time (especially social media) is tied to real health problems for our kids. Too much digital time can lead to:

Poor sleep. Late-night scrolling disrupts melatonin production and keeps the brain wired. Many teens say they need their phones to fall asleep, but it’s doing the opposite.

Mental health problems. More than 75% of teens use social media multiple times daily. High users are more likely to report sadness, hopelessness, and even suicidal thoughts. Our kids are facing an increasing mental health crisis that psychologist Jonathan Haidt, author of The Anxious Generation, suggests is due to two major changes in how kids grow up today:

• The loss of a play-based childhood (less free play, more supervision)
• The rise of smartphones and social media

Excessive screen and social media use is linked to:

• Anxiety and depression
• Lower self-esteem
• Weight problems
• Loneliness and isolation
• Cyberbullying and sextortion

Lower grades and school troubles. Multitasking on screens hurts focus and memory. How can they learn if they’re watching TikTok while doing homework?  Studies show kids exposed to fast-paced content perform worse academically.

Addictive behaviors. Apps like TikTok and Snapchat are designed to be addictive. They deliver constant dopamine “hits” to our brains, making it harder for kids to stop scrolling.

For some, especially boys, video games can become a form of behavioral addiction. Internet Gaming Disorder has symptoms mirroring substance addiction: withdrawal, tolerance, lying about use, and impact on daily life. Brain scans of heavy gamers show changes in “reward centers” similar to drug addiction.

How does social media affect our kids?

Even though apps like Instagram, TikTok, and Snapchat require users to be 13+, most platforms do not verify age—and many parents help kids sign up early. These apps have problems:

• They are designed for addiction with auto-scroll, constant rewards, and endless content, which easily keeps kids hooked.
• Little content moderation—kids can access harmful material (like information promoting violence, drugs, and eating disorders).
• GPS features can show where the user is in real-time, raising safety and privacy concerns.

Social media can seem fun, but it comes with some big risks kids may not be ready for:

• Peer pressure and self-esteem issues:
  • 31% feel pressured to post “popular” content.
  • 27% feel worse about their lives due to comparing themselves to others.
• Cyberbullying: 33% of kids report being victims.
• Sexting and sextortion. Sexting is more common than you might think; between 15 and 27% of teens have sent or received explicit images. And what’s been termed “sextortion” is on the rise. Scammers (often posing as teens) coerce kids into sending photos and then threaten to share them unless they’re paid or sent more. Some of these cases have ended tragically.

What can parents do to keep their kids safe on screens?

1. Delay the smartphone

Wait until high school if possible. Consider a basic phone or a smartwatch that allows calls and texting but not access to social media.

2. Delay social media

Hold off until at least age 16. This protects kids during the most vulnerable years for self-esteem, peer pressure, and risky online behaviors.

3. Create a Family Media Plan

The American Academy of Pediatrics has a terrific tool to help families sit down as a family and decide:

• When and where screens are allowed
• What content is okay
• What happens if the rules are broken

4. Set up safety protections on the device

Turn on safety features to block access to violent and explicit content. Ensure there’s a password that kids can’t guess to change these settings.

Use the “Screen Time” and “Downtime” features (on Apple products) or other similar family safety apps that limit your child’s screen time and block access during certain hours (like after bedtime). You can also require that your child get your permission to install an app or use a web browser, for example, or limit access to certain apps to short periods.

Many families also “collect” devices at the end of the day to be charged in a parent’s room, so kids aren’t tempted to try to use them when they should be asleep.

5. Set expectations early

Dr. Shimoyama stressed that parents need to start early with clear boundaries. It’s harder to set limits after your kids are in the habit of using their phones all day. “Start when they’re young—before the phone feels like oxygen.”

When your child first gets a device, let them know:

• Their devices are a privilege, not a right. Frame screen time as something kids earn by following family agreements—homework, chores, kindness—not something they’re automatically entitled to.
• You will be reviewing what’s on their phones. You might say, “We’ll look at this together—your safety matters more than your privacy here.”
•  If you find something concerning, you will not be punishing them, but helping them.
• They’re encouraged to come to you if they’re worried about something they experience online. You can work together to solve any problem that comes up.

Use mistakes as teachable moments, not times to enact punishments. As they mature, you can slowly increase trust and online independence.

6. Watch for red flags

If your child becomes secretive, withdrawn, or emotionally reactive to their phone, it’s time to check in.

7. Model good behavior

Put your own phone down, too. Kids notice more than we think.

Can having less screen time actually change kids’ behavior?

Yes. A 2024 randomized trial showed reducing screen time improved behavior and boosted positive social interactions in kids.

Jonathan Haidt recommends that we can improve our kids’ mental health if we make a few changes:

• No smartphones before high school
• No social media before 16
• Phone-free schools
• More independence and real-world play

These may seem like big steps, but they’re worth taking seriously. And, if you’re a parent who’s already given your child a phone or tablet, don’t panic. It’s never too late to set new boundaries, open conversations, and model healthy habits. This isn’t about perfection; it’s about staying engaged and aware. Communicating openly and setting clear, loving limits are the best tools we have.

Resources for Parents

Common Sense Media

The 2025 Common Sense Census: Media Use by Kids Zero to Eight

App and Games Reviews and Ratings Parents Trust

American Academy of Pediatrics

Media Resources

American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry

Facts for Families 

Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force Program

SMART Parenting Tips for Online Safety