{"id":854,"date":"2018-03-26T06:00:29","date_gmt":"2018-03-26T13:00:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/?p=854"},"modified":"2023-03-14T10:28:08","modified_gmt":"2023-03-14T17:28:08","slug":"sibling-squabbles-turn-tussles-giggles","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/sibling-squabbles-turn-tussles-giggles\/","title":{"rendered":"Sibling Squabbles? Turn the Tussles into Giggles!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>My kids were wild the other night. Just wild. All the hoopla ended with the calm, easy-going middle child in tears. Her brothers had gotten out of control with some \u201cfun\u201d they were having while she was studying for finals.<!--more--><\/p>\n<p>When I heard the fuss and tears, I headed up to her room to see the mess (it involved a lot of newly brushed dog fur and her bed&#8230;I&#8217;ll let your imagination take it from there). More impressive than the disarray was the look of remorse and concern on the boys\u2019 faces. They saw their fun had crossed a line.<\/p>\n<p>This level of sibling conflict is rare around here. Somehow, I\u2019ve raised 3 kids who like each other. Most of the time.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s some ideas for how to keep the peace around your house:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Don\u2019t always get involved.\u00a0<\/strong>It can be tempting to jump in and problem solve when we hear our kids fussing. Next time, wait to see if they resolve their differences on their own. If you do get involved, start by saying you hear their fussing but they can come up with a solution to their problems without your help. Then step back and listen. If they succeed be sure to praise them!<\/li>\n<li><strong>Step in when needed.<\/strong> You may need to step in to prevent physical harm. Let your kids know you won\u2019t tolerate physical aggression or violence. You may need to separate the siblings and have them play alone for a bit or have them take <a href=\"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/?s=time+out\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">time-out<\/a>s. Also, listen to be sure one sibling doesn\u2019t repeatedly \u201cwin\u201d the argument or get their way. If this happens, ask the kids if they think what they\u2019ve heard is fair. If not, what ideas do they have?<\/li>\n<li><strong>Don\u2019t take sides. <\/strong>It\u2019s important for parents to be neutral. We don\u2019t always see what led up to the battle and should try to avoid placing blame. Remember, the child who looks most upset may not be fully innocent! Ultimately, we want our children to feel both trusted and protected by us. Jumping to judgment can hurt that trust. Instead, we can make observations: \u201cI see that Isabella is crying.\u201d Or \u201cMateo looks angry.\u201d<\/li>\n<li><strong>Help them problem solve. <\/strong>If they aren\u2019t getting anywhere without your involvement, start by asking what\u2019s happening. Listen to both sides. Then try to see yourself as a mediator \u2013 a person who takes the middle ground to help both parties come to an agreement. Ask them how they think the problem can be solved.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>Sibling rivalry<\/h3>\n<p>About 80% of children have siblings. While having a sibling is in many ways a lifelong gift, the arrival of a new brother or sister can be upsetting. Sibling rivalry can be prevented or lessened by parents. Here\u2019s how:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Avoid expressing favoritism. <\/strong>It can be challenging as a parent to appreciate each child as an individual with different temperaments and personalities. We often verbalize these differences in ways that can worsen sibling relationships. Avoid labels like \u201cmy smart girl,\u201d \u201cmy best helper,\u201d \u201cmy super athlete.\u201d<\/li>\n<li><strong>Respect their need for privacy. <\/strong>Each child should be given a space within your home where they can be alone. And their belongings shouldn\u2019t be used by siblings without permission.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Have family meetings. <\/strong>These can be a great time to discuss problems and set family ground rules. Talk about sibling issues, chores, allowances, meals \u2013 everything you want to have \u201crun\u201d smoothly in your home!<\/li>\n<li><strong>Start early. <\/strong>When my first child was 3 and about to have a sister, I panicked thinking that life might never be the same again, that the new baby would be an intruder into her brother\u2019s world. He would feel cheated, lonely without my undivided attention.\u00a0About that time, I heard some advice for how to avoid sibling rivalry that seems to have worked:<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<blockquote><p><em>Brainwash &#8217;em. Tell them from day one how lucky they are to have each other. Tell the big sib that his sister is so lucky to have him in her world. Tell her the flip side. Remind them often, that they will be in each other&#8217;s lives forever \u2013 through everything life throws at them.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Even dog fur.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My kids were wild the other night. Just wild. All the hoopla ended with the calm, easy-going middle child in tears. Her brothers had gotten out of control with some \u201cfun\u201d they were having while she was studying for finals.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":862,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[60],"tags":[61,194,193,192],"class_list":["post-854","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-family-life","tag-parenting","tag-second-children","tag-sibling-rivalry","tag-siblings","ages-all-school-ages"],"metadata":{"_edit_lock":["1678814748:8"],"_edit_last":["8"],"slide_template":["default"],"video_format_choose":["youtube"],"_wpb_vc_js_status":["false"],"_custom_body_class":[""],"_yoast_wpseo_content_score":["30"],"qode_animate-page-title":["no"],"qode_show-page-title-text":["no"],"qode_show-page-title-image":["no"],"qode_show-sidebar":["2"],"qode_hide-featured-image":["no"],"_yoast_wpseo_primary_category":["60"],"_thumbnail_id":["862"],"wpfp_favorites":["8"],"_yoast_wpseo_primary_ages":["293"],"bonfire_pageloader_display":[""],"ase_chapter_enable_timeline":["off"],"_yoast_wpseo_estimated-reading-time-minutes":["4"],"_yoast_wpseo_wordproof_timestamp":[""],"_wp_old_date":["2018-02-15"],"ase_map_component_start_point":["a:2:{s:3:\"lat\";d:29.76;s:3:\"lng\";d:-95.38;}"],"ase_mapbox_style":["openstreet"]},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/854","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=854"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/854\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4048,"href":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/854\/revisions\/4048"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/862"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=854"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=854"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=854"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}