The other day, as I was setting my 7-year-old daughter\u2019s breakfast in front of her, she asked me out of the blue:\u00a0\u201cMom, how do you make a baby?\u201d<\/p>\n
Since my kids were toddlers, I\u2019ve been open and honest with them about their bodies. I have no shame in answering this question, but I did tell my daughter that it was something we\u2019d have to talk about when we had more time.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy can\u2019t you tell me now?\u201d she asked, as I was in a frenzy trying to get everyone organized and out the door for the day.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know! I can tell her how!\u201d my 10-year-old son said proudly, as we\u2019ve had many talks about this before.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy don\u2019t we talk more about it as a family at dinner tonight<\/a>?\u201d I replied, which was met with annoyed agreement from both kids.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Later that night over dinner, the conversation continued.<\/p>\n
How to Have \u201cThe Talk\u201d With Your Child<\/h3>\n
Parents ask me at well-check visits how they should talk to their kids about puberty<\/a> and sex<\/a>. Or they\u2019ll ask me to have this talk with their child at their pediatric well-check.<\/p>\n
Part of a pediatrician\u2019s job is to help kids and families understand their bodies as they grow. However, the answer I give families regarding \u201cthe talk\u201d is that it\u2019s not just one quick conversation in clinic or over breakfast (as my daughter was hoping for). And the other more important answer I give is, don\u2019t wait until your kids are having body changes to start talking about puberty.<\/p>\n
Puberty is a NORMAL part of growing up. Questions about hair growth, breast development, periods,<\/a> penis\/testicle growth, or \u201cwet dreams\u201d<\/a> should be encouraged by parents so their kids aren\u2019t getting the answers from web searches (which can easily lead to inappropriate web sites) or from friends that might not have the correct information.<\/p>\n
Tips for Parents When Talking About Puberty<\/strong><\/h3>\n
Even if you feel uncomfortable talking with your kids about puberty and sex, try not to show it. Think back to how you first learned about these topics if you want a good chuckle\u2013for me, it was sitting with my mom in a car in the grocery store parking lot!<\/p>\n
Let everyday happenings lead to these conversations. If your child walks in when you\u2019re changing clothes and asks about your body parts, be honest and open.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy do yours look different than mine?\u201d is a common question kids will ask their parents. Bath or shower times can be a helpful moment to naturally answer questions about body parts and how they\u2019ll change as kids grow older. You can also find \u201cteachable moments\u201d in everyday activities. For example, when grocery shopping, point out feminine hygiene products to your child of any gender and talk about what they\u2019re for.<\/p>\n
Use the correct term for body parts such as penis, vulva, vagina, breast, and testicle \u2013 knowing these will help your child feel empowered and aware as they grow older. Being able to refer to these body parts as \u201cprivate parts\u201d is also important for body safety<\/a>.<\/p>\n
Talk about body odor and age-appropriate hygiene, and don\u2019t hesitate to let your child use deodorant if needed!<\/p>\n
Help your child understand that each person\u2019s body goes through puberty changes at different times<\/a>, and girls often start these changes at a younger age than boys do. It can be frustrating for kids if their friends have a growth spurt or need a bra and your child feels like they\u2019re a \u201clate bloomer.\u201d\u00a0 On the other hand, kids may also feel uncomfortable if they\u2019re \u201cearly bloomers,\u201d starting development before their classmates do.<\/p>\n
Girls usually start pubertal changes between ages 8 to 13, and boys will start between ages 9 to 14. Regular well-check visits with your child\u2019s pediatrician will help track your child\u2019s growth and development and ensure this is normal for their body.<\/p>\n
Puberty can be a challenging time for kids who are gender fluid or who are questioning their gender identity<\/a>. As a parent, be a willing listener and don\u2019t hesitate to reach out to your child\u2019s pediatrician for support and guidance.<\/p>\n
Books Can Help Start the Conversation<\/strong><\/h3>\n
Using a book to do the initial talking about puberty can be helpful. I vividly remember reading about periods and bra shopping in Are You There God? It\u2019s Me, Margaret<\/em> by Judy Blume as a preteen. Reading educational books with your child is a helpful gateway to answering questions about puberty and sex.<\/p>\n
There are many great age-appropriate puberty books to find at your library or for purchase. These are some of my recommendations:<\/p>\n
\n
- What\u2019s Happening to Me? A Guide to Puberty <\/em>by Peter Mayle\u00a0<\/em><\/li>\n
- Growing Up Great! The Ultimate Puberty Guide for Boys <\/em>by Scott Todnem<\/li>\n
- The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Younger Girls <\/em>by Valorie Schaefer (ages 8+) and The Care and Keeping of You 2<\/em> (ages 10+) by Cara Natterson<\/li>\n
- \u201cThe Family Library\u201d by Robie Harris:<\/li>\n
- It\u2019s Not the Stork! A Book About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends<\/em>\u202f(ages 4+)<\/li>\n
- It\u2019s So Amazing! A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies and Families (for age 7+)<\/em><\/li>\n
- It\u2019s Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health<\/em>\u202f(for age 10+)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
As we finished dinner that same day, I thanked my kids for their questions and invited them to come to us at any time to learn more. You might be able guess what book my daughter chose for bedtime that night!<\/p>\n
Resources for Parents:<\/h3>\n
American Academy of Pediatrics<\/strong><\/p>\n