{"id":3041,"date":"2020-01-27T06:00:00","date_gmt":"2020-01-27T14:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/?p=3041"},"modified":"2020-01-22T10:57:37","modified_gmt":"2020-01-22T18:57:37","slug":"letting-your-child-learn-natural-consequences-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/letting-your-child-learn-natural-consequences-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Letting Your Child Learn Natural Consequences"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Want a well-behaved child? Want to raise a teen who can head off to college and succeed on their own? Sure, we all do. And I know a terrific tip to help you raise just that kind of kid. Let them learn the \u201cnatural consequences\u201d of their behaviors.<\/p>\n<p>Natural consequences are unplanned results of a child\u2019s actions that occur if a parent doesn\u2019t control the outcome. Dr. Jane Nelsen, who conveys much wisdom in her\u00a0<em>Positive Discipline<\/em> book, explains them this way:<\/p>\n<p><em>A natural consequence is anything that happens naturally, with no adult interference. When you stand in the rain, you get wet. When you don\u2019t eat, you get hungry. When you forget your coat, you get cold.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>If parents let these consequences unfold without intervening to prevent unpleasant results, kids can learn. They learn that coats are needed in cold weather to stay warm, and lunches help them get through the day so they\u2019re not hungry and grumpy.<\/p>\n<p>Let\u2019s look at lunches a bit further. Kid\u2019s forget to bring their lunches \u2013 or lunch money \u2013 to school all the time, right? If our schedule allows, should we jump in the car and bring their forgotten lunches or money? Sure, maybe once. But if you do, then also take the time to explain to your kiddo that, in the future, remembering lunch or money is their job. The next time they forget (because there will be a next time!), don\u2019t deliver it.<\/p>\n<p>No child will starve without one lunch and the lesson from the natural consequence of being hungry is a powerful one. I know this isn\u2019t easy to put into action. It can feel like you\u2019re being unnecessarily tough!<\/p>\n<p>My first kiddo forgot all kinds of things he should have been responsible for \u2013 until I got a bit tougher. I started cracking down when he called me from baseball practice one day (he was in 6th grade) and said he\u2019d forgotten his cleats. It wasn\u2019t the first time, but I got back in my car with the cleats and headed to the baseball park.<\/p>\n<p>Halfway there I started wondering if what I was doing was actually helping him? No \u2013 it really wasn\u2019t a help in the long run to have his mom bring him his cleats (or lunch or homework). What would be helpful is to let him learn the consequences of not having the cleats, such as having a mad coach or sitting on the bench. So I turned around and drove back home.<\/p>\n<p>If you end up using this approach, keep in mind there may be times when it isn\u2019t appropriate:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Don\u2019t use it if the consequences put your child or others in danger, or can cause long-term harm.<\/li>\n<li>Don\u2019t use it if the consequences aren\u2019t something a child yet understands or cares about. For example, not brushing teeth won\u2019t just cause short-term bad breath (that a young child likely isn\u2019t concerned about) but can also cause tooth decay, tooth infections, and harm to permanent teeth.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>When you let natural consequences unfold, you should then support your child through the results.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s how:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Skip the scolding or the \u201cI told you so\u2019s.\u201d It won\u2019t help teach them.<\/li>\n<li>Express empathy: You could say, \u201cThat felt bad to be stuck at practice without cleats.\u201d \u201cYou were hungry.\u201d \u201cThat was embarrassing.\u201d Or \u201cYou\u2019re worried your homework is late now?\u201d<\/li>\n<li>Help them recover and plan ahead by asking questions, such as: \u201cWould you like to make a snack now?\u201d \u201cHow can you remember your cleats next time?<strong>\u201d<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>These lessons came up again recently in my house. My younger child didn\u2019t set his alarm correctly and overslept for an early morning team event. He was crushed and his disappointment was hard to watch.<\/p>\n<p>This week, when he had an early practice, he carefully set and checked his alarm without my prompting. The next morning, he was up and out the door by 5:30 a.m. \u2013 without any help from me! As he left, I was thinking about who had learned the lesson? Perhaps, it was really me that learned to let go, step back, and let my child learn to fly on his own. But geesh, it was hard.<\/p>\n<p><em>This article was originally published on February 14, 2019<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Want a well-behaved child? Want to raise a teen who can head off to college and succeed on their own? <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":2015,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[454],"tags":[238,207,553,209],"class_list":["post-3041","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-behavior","tag-child-discipline","tag-discipline","tag-natural-consequences","tag-positive-parenting","ages-all-school-ages"],"metadata":{"_vc_post_settings":["a:1:{s:10:\"vc_grid_id\";a:0:{}}"],"_edit_lock":["1579719323:18"],"_edit_last":["18"],"slide_template":["default"],"video_format_choose":["youtube"],"_custom_body_class":[""],"_yoast_wpseo_content_score":["30"],"qode_animate-page-title":["no"],"qode_show-page-title-text":["no"],"qode_show-page-title-image":["no"],"qode_show-sidebar":["default"],"qode_hide-featured-image":["no"],"_yoast_wpseo_primary_category":["454"],"_yoast_wpseo_primary_ages":["293"],"_yoast_wpseo_focuskw_text_input":["Natural consequences"],"_yoast_wpseo_focuskw":["Natural consequences"],"_yoast_wpseo_linkdex":["71"],"_thumbnail_id":["2015"],"qode_seo_title":["Helping Your Child Learn Natural Consequences"],"qode_seo_keywords":["natural consequences, behavior, discipline, forgetting lunch, positive discipline, "],"qode_seo_description":["Natural consequences occur when parents let their kids feel the effects of their actions without stepping in. You can help raise a successful child by not intervening if your kid forgets his lunch or cleats so they learn the natural consequences of their behaviors. 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