{"id":2523,"date":"2019-09-16T06:00:37","date_gmt":"2019-09-16T13:00:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/?p=2523"},"modified":"2023-08-09T04:13:15","modified_gmt":"2023-08-09T11:13:15","slug":"getting-kids-to-talk-after-school-beyond-how-was-your-day-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/getting-kids-to-talk-after-school-beyond-how-was-your-day-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Getting Kids to Talk After School: Beyond “How Was Your Day?”"},"content":{"rendered":"

At the end of a long day at school, there\u2019s nothing a kid wants to answer less than, \u201cHow was your day?\u201d And yet, that\u2019s what all of us parents ask. Why doesn\u2019t this question work?<\/p>\n

<\/span>From our perspective, our child has been off at school and we missed them! We want in on their experience \u2013 we want to know what they\u2019ve been up to and feel a part of their lives.<\/p>\n

From their perspective, the school day was long, tiring, maybe boring, and for many kids, the last thing they want to do is relive it! How do we respect their feelings and also stay in touch with their world?<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve heard that some kids are actually very chatty after school! If you have one of those kids, enjoy their willingness to talk! The rest of us need some advice for connecting with our kids post-school.<\/p>\n

Here are a few tips:<\/p>\n

Be sneaky.<\/b>\u00a0Try a low-key, \u201clight lead\u201d approach. Like a fisherman hooking a fish, you want to be a bit stealthy! If you\u2019re home when they arrive after school, welcome your child with a hug and food. Kids hate it when we pay more attention to our phones than to them \u2013 so put yours down. Have some snacks ready in the kitchen and hang there (nonchalantly) while they eat. You might hear quite a bit.<\/p>\n

If they aren\u2019t talking, try asking questions that let them know you\u2019re interested and ready to listen. Don\u2019t ask questions\u00a0that can be answered with one word \u2013 because that\u2019s all you\u2019ll get! Try,\u00a0\u201cWhat was something\u00a0interesting (difficult, fun) that happened today?\u201d Or,\u00a0\u201cWho did you sit with at lunch?\u201d and, \u201cWhat was a cool thing you learned?\u201d<\/p>\n

Use what you already know about their day. Be sure to know their schedules and teachers. This helps you connect with your child \u2013 from kindergarten through college \u2013 by having some inside scoop to start a conversation. What projects are they working on? Which teacher or class do they like or dislike?<\/p>\n

Talk first.\u00a0<\/b>If they aren\u2019t opening up, try my favorite tip: Tell them about your day instead! This takes the pressure off your child and models the give and take of sharing. Let them know what made you think of them, or share a funny story.<\/p>\n

Ask the juicy questions.<\/b> It may\u00a0sound awful but asking,\u00a0\u201cWho got into trouble today?\u201d is one of the best questions for getting a young kid to open up! You can also ask if any of their friends are having a rough time in school. These questions let your child tell you all about their day indirectly. They end up talking about the\u00a0hierarchies\u00a0among kids, the cliques, the struggles, and their teachers \u2013 all without noticing how much you\u2019re learning. It also allows you to model compassion and\u00a0problem solving as you talk things through.<\/p>\n

Back off (then try later).<\/b> Sometimes the best approach is to wait a bit. Make it a habit to\u00a0eat dinner together as a family<\/a>\u00a0and to share about your day then. Try these\u00a0conversation starters<\/a>:<\/p>\n