Logical or \u201cnatural\u201d consequences<\/a> allow your child to experience the downside of their behavior and teaches them that they\u2019re accountable for their choices.<\/p>\nRemember, consequences don\u2019t work unless parents enforce them. Children will test to see if you\u2019re serious or not. If you don\u2019t follow through on what you said would happen (e.g., take the toys away, or leave the store), your child learns you don\u2019t mean what you say.<\/p>\n
Get all the grown-ups on the same page.<\/strong> Kids will always test their limits \u2013 and yours. If one parent or caregiver responds differently than the other it\u2019s confusing.<\/p>\nHere are some ideas for you and your partner:<\/p>\n
\n- Understand and agree on a common set of rules and consequences for not following them. Kids need to know what\u2019s expected of them \u2013 and it\u2019s confusing if the expectations change from day to day or person to person.<\/li>\n
- Be sure you stick to the limits you set. Otherwise, they\u2019ll get the message you\u2019re not serious, or the rule isn\u2019t important.<\/li>\n
- Discuss changing the rules or making exceptions together without the kids around.<\/li>\n
- Talk when you can\u2019t be overheard if you disagree with each other\u2019s parenting. When the child is present, parents should have each other\u2019s backs and act as a unified team.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Kids do best with routines!<\/strong> Routines make them feel safe and help them learn how to behave. With young children, it helps to talk through the routine in advance:<\/p>\n\n- Give a preview of what\u2019s happening next. You might prepare for bath time by saying, \u201cWe can play until the timer goes off; then you\u2019ll need to take your bath.\u201d<\/li>\n
- Remind them. \u201cIn 5 minutes, the timer will go off and it\u2019ll be time to take a bath. Please start cleaning up.\u201d<\/li>\n
- Follow through. When the timer goes off say, \u201cIt\u2019s bath time now.\u201d This strategy helps avoid delays and negotiations. If you hear \u201c5 more minutes? please?\u201d don\u2019t give in!<\/li>\n
- Reward cooperative behavior. Remind them of the next enjoyable event that\u2019s coming up. \u201cAfter you take your bath, we can snuggle and read stories.\u201d<\/li>\n
- Prepare your child for changes in the routine. \u201cTomorrow after we get up we\u2019re going to the doctor and she\u2019ll look in your ears. After that we\u2019ll get groceries on our way home.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Plan ahead<\/strong>. For situations you know are stressful for your child, think about ways in advance to help them behave well. This helps you avoid meltdowns by being prepared:<\/p>\n\n- Carry crayons, a deck of cards, a book, or silly putty to entertain your child during a long wait or boring errand.<\/li>\n
- Have them be well-rested by sticking to a consistent, age-appropriate bedtime.<\/li>\n
- Provide regular nutritious meals and snacks.<\/li>\n
- Avoid overscheduling when possible. Time pressure and being on the go can create stress that impacts everyone.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Save \u201cNo\u201d for when you really need it.<\/strong> When we say \u201cNo\u201d too often, kids tune us out. If you\u2019re saying, \u201cStop doing that,\u201d or \u201cNo, don\u2019t touch that,\u201d all day, it might be time to step back.<\/p>\n\n- Think about what the most critical rules are, though parents shouldn\u2019t compromise on safety. If your child is reaching for a hot pot on the stove, say \u201cNO\u201d and mean it.<\/li>\n
- Don\u2019t compromise on \u201cdeal-breaker\u201d rules. These might include no screaming inside and no hitting.<\/li>\n
- Remember it\u2019s okay to ignore behavior that\u2019s annoying, but not dangerous. Ignoring that kind of behavior can help it go away!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Don\u2019t offer a choice if there isn\u2019t one<\/strong>. Asking \u201cDo you want to take your bath now?\u201d opens the door for your child to say \u201cno\u201d or to negotiate. Similarly, saying \u201cokay?\u201d after you give a direction sends the message that the child gets to decide whether to cooperate.<\/p>\nDo offer choices whenever you can.<\/strong> Having choices helps children feel more in control and can turn a potential power struggle into cooperation. This works best when:<\/p>\n\n- You give 2 acceptable choices. \u201cDo you want an apple or a banana with lunch?\u201d instead of \u201cDo you want fruit with your lunch?\u201d<\/li>\n
- Your child understands that you\u2019ll choose for them, if they don\u2019t choose for themselves.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n
Use time-out.<\/strong> Learning to do time-out well can help both you and your child. And it can prevent you from resorting to harsher forms of discipline!<\/p>\nPositivity works!<\/strong> Tell your children what you do want them to do instead of what you don\u2019t want them to do:<\/p>\n