{"id":2118,"date":"2023-04-11T18:00:00","date_gmt":"2023-04-12T01:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/?p=2118"},"modified":"2023-04-07T15:04:54","modified_gmt":"2023-04-07T22:04:54","slug":"talking-about-sexual-abuse-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/talking-about-sexual-abuse-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Talking About Sexual Abuse"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>The list of what parents worry about is long! Often topping that list is fear about what can happen to our children when they\u2019re not with us, and what others could do to harm them.<\/p>\n<p>At a meeting of Kaiser Permanente\u2019s Child Abuse Services and Prevention team I heard a statistic that rattled me: only 5% of child sexual abuse is perpetrated by a stranger. The rest? Committed by a person the child knows and may have been taught to trust. Coaches, teachers, tutors, neighbors, relatives, and babysitters, who have access to our kids, have power over them that\u2019s often used for great good, but sadly, can also be used to harm.<\/p>\n<p>Yes, let\u2019s keep our kids safe from stranger danger. And let\u2019s also turn our focus to helping them respond when an adult they know acts inappropriately toward them.<\/p>\n<p>To explore how we can talk to our kids about this distressing topic, I asked <a href=\"https:\/\/mydoctor.kaiserpermanente.org\/ncal\/providers\/micheleevans\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Dr. Michele Evans<\/a>, a fellow Kaiser Permanente pediatrician and an expert in child abuse prevention, for advice.<\/p>\n<p>Dr. Evans explained that the earlier you begin these conversations with your children, the better.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Encourage open communication in your family about all topics.<\/li>\n<li>Be willing to answer any question you\u2019re asked, including those about sex and sexuality.<\/li>\n<li>Answer in an age-appropriate, matter-of-fact fashion, giving simpler answers to younger children.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Teach children they can talk with you about anything. Set the standard that if they tell you the truth, you can decide together what the solution or consequence will be. You want to make a child comfortable telling you anything \u2013 even if someone else may have told them they\u2019d get in trouble. In general, a good policy is, \u201cWe don\u2019t keep secrets in our family.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Teach children about respecting boundaries. The concept of \u201cNo means no\u201d can be modeled early. For example, if you\u2019re tickling your child and they say \u201cStop!\u201d then stop right away and say, \u201cYou said stop, so I\u2019ll stop.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>If you have young children, Dr. Evans suggested some additional ideas:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Teach proper names for body parts. This gives kids the ability to clearly explain what may have happened to them and permission to talk clearly. Discuss that private parts are personal and should not be touched, looked at, or photographed by anyone else.<\/li>\n<li>Families differ on modesty in the home. It\u2019s important that children know their family values and they can differ from other families. If it\u2019s not okay in your family to see each other unclothed, you can say, \u201cThere\u2019s nothing shameful about your body, but it\u2019s private, so in our family, no one sees anyone else without at least a top and underwear on.\u201d Or if your family is less modest, let your kids know it\u2019s only acceptable in your home. They shouldn\u2019t expect other people to be comfortable without clothing on.<\/li>\n<li>Consider having an open-door policy in your home: Ask kids to leave their bedroom doors open or ajar at all times.<\/li>\n<li>Avoid forcing children to give hugs to friends or family members if they don\u2019t want to.\u00a0Doing so would teach children to accommodate others even if they don\u2019t feel comfortable. Instead, we want to teach our kids to trust their instincts about touch and boundaries.<\/li>\n<li>Daycares should allow parents to visit at any time. Make the occasional unannounced visit.<\/li>\n<li>As your kids get older and visit other homes, being involved is key. Know where kids are, who they\u2019re with, and notice what state they\u2019re in when they come home.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>If your kids are older, open discussion is again at the core of helping them remain safe. You may want to consider these points:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Know where your children are going and get to know the parents of your children\u2019s friends. If a child is spending time in someone else\u2019s home, know who else is there. If you\u2018re uncomfortable with the level of supervision or something just doesn\u2019t seem right, it\u2019s okay to refuse to let them go.<\/li>\n<li>Discuss the risks and benefits of social media. Consider following your kids&#8217; accounts.<\/li>\n<li>Keep a close eye on anyone giving gifts or special attention to your child.<\/li>\n<li>Use events in the child\u2019s school or in the news as ways to open conversations about topics of sexual abuse. Family dinners are a great time to talk. What does your teen and their friends think about consent, boundaries, dating, use of social media, etc.?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>In general, and for all ages \u2013 trust your instincts. If something you hear or observe makes you uncomfortable it\u2019s worth investigating. If your child tells you they\u2019ve been abused, teach them to trust their instincts by taking their story seriously. Abuse can take many forms \u2013 physical, sexual, manipulation in person, or over social media by showing photographs or performing sexual acts. Contact your local police, Child Protective Services, and pediatrician for help.<\/p>\n<p>Your child needs to know they can trust you to listen, believe, and act.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The list of what parents worry about is long! Often topping that list is fear about what can happen to our children when they\u2019re not with us, and what others could do to harm them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":1146,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[91],"tags":[243,583,241,242,295],"class_list":["post-2118","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-safety","tag-abuse","tag-national-child-abuse-prevention-month","tag-sexting","tag-sexual-abuse","tag-talking-with-kids","ages-all-ages"],"metadata":{"_edit_lock":["1680906495:8"],"_edit_last":["8"],"slide_template":["default"],"video_format_choose":["youtube"],"_custom_body_class":[""],"_yoast_wpseo_content_score":["30"],"qode_animate-page-title":["no"],"qode_show-page-title-text":["no"],"qode_show-page-title-image":["no"],"qode_show-sidebar":["default"],"qode_hide-featured-image":["no"],"_yoast_wpseo_primary_category":["91"],"_yoast_wpseo_primary_ages":["294"],"_thumbnail_id":["1146"],"wpfp_favorites":["4"],"ase_chapter_enable_timeline":["off"],"post_featured_author_bio":["Dr. Michele Evans attended medical school at the University of Southern California then completed her pediatric residency at the Los Angeles County &amp; U.S.C. Medical Center.  She then joined the U.S.C. faculty and remained at the county hospital to work in the Violence Intervention Program conducting evaluations for child abuse and neglect and providing general pediatric care for children in the dependency care system. Dr. Evans full biography can be found on {{My Doctor Online}}."],"post_featured_author_image":["https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/michelle_evans_100x100.jpg"],"post_featured_author_bio_link":["https:\/\/mydoctor.kaiserpermanente.org\/ncal\/providers\/micheleevans"],"_wpb_vc_js_status":["false"],"_yoast_wpseo_estimated-reading-time-minutes":["4"],"_yoast_wpseo_wordproof_timestamp":[""],"ase_map_component_start_point":["a:2:{s:3:\"lat\";d:29.76;s:3:\"lng\";d:-95.38;}"],"ase_mapbox_style":["openstreet"]},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2118","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/8"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2118"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2118\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4072,"href":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2118\/revisions\/4072"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1146"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2118"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2118"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kpthrivingfamilies.org\/pediatricsblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2118"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}